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Keeping families together: in thousands of estimated reported cases across Canada, the
family unit is threatened by forces that have nothing to do with divorce or inner family problems. Shockingly, the attacks
come from the CAS and the Family Court, in how they operate in trying to respond to an "assumed problem", and there are too
many casualties, the primary and most ignored victims being those which 'child protection' agencies make their mission to
protect: THE CHILDREN.
Shared parenting: in theory it should be simply done, but it greatly depends
on the emotional state and maturity of the parents, and the circumstances of the separation.
Divorces are
not the only situations where children will be separated from their parents or parent. As it turns out, numerous
data exists showing clearly that the Children's Aid Society and the Family Court system have basically more power than anyone
in this country. As they operate right now, and because of the inability of any government to hold them properly accountable,
it can be said that they actually conspire to destroy Canadian families. It's the only logical conclusion. After decades of
being unaccountable and more and more cases coming to light, one cannot invoke ignorance or technical glitches on their part...
because they have been told time and time again that something is really wrong in the way they apprehend children, using "mental
health" as a shameful defense to do so.
In the throes of a separation where children are involved,
life has to go on, and the maintenance of stability for children is a priority as long as their security and well-being are
not compromised. But too many parents don't have the tools to deal with their own woundedness and at the same time pick up
the challenge to help their children continue their daily lives while they engage in a legal battle with the ex-spouse. For
so many parents, the separation opens a whole set of wounds from their childhood having to do with abandonment, rejection,
and more recent wounds having to do with betrayal and breach of trust.
So, in the early stages of a separation,
we have hurting parents and torn children. Too often hate for the ex-spouse will express itself in words, actions, and in
the course of the legal proceedings concerning money. And children. And sadly, children can be confused as part of the money
scheme. Lawyers will push for it, and hurting and bitter parents will reveal the depth of their resentment and the distance
they'll go to get even... or get everything.
Children always lose in those cases. They don't really
have much of a voice legally, others do the talking for them. Or don't they? Things get really nasty when the CAS gets involved
by request of one of the parents, and the dynamics of Family Court and the CAS then turn a family into a civil war zone. Seemingly
the CAS and Family Court can also fall prey to their own individual agendas, overstepping boundaries and defending the best
interest of their individual institutions, and not the best interest of the children. Experiences show that this is the case
in too many instances in Canada.
In supporting the notion of shared parenting, we realize that the
personal stories of both parents and children will be affected by the way the Family Court will handle each individual cases.
And of much more importance yet is the way each parties lawyers will work their angle to make sure their client will get what
they are paying to obtain.
At that point, the children have already lost the power to choose, and
their "best interest" usually will be decided by legal abilities between lawyers instead of a collective consultation and
objective evaluation. Often times, the financial interests of a party will be the real cornerstone of their actions, yet,
bitterness will be their driving force, and a very careful scenario will have to be followed to get to their goals while hiding
their true hearts.
Character assassination may stop at nothing, the (often unwarranted and artificial)
creation of reports and psychological assessements may become preferred evidence, and past history may shamelessly be used
against the other parent in the most cruel manner, trying to destroy the other parent. One wonders how these two parents ever
found that a life together would be bliss... and if either REALLY have the best interest of their children at heart.
When
all is said and done, a battle has been fought to preemptively counter the devastation that would ensue if the children
would be lost. How can a parent trust the divorced other to raise a child in a way that will elevate and honor the parent
that lost the legal battle? And just to what point can the Law rule in such a situation? It's a valid question, and the answer
to it demands that work be done to find the true answer in every case. Unfortunately, we hear of too many families that have
been "shredded" through the Family Court proceedings and the CAS involvment which attemtps to provides a psychological and
sociological profile of both parents in a way that will become the basis of the decision to allow contact and access to both
parents who express a desire to be involved in the lives of their children.
In many cases, custodial and non-custodial
parents should be careful how they are "mis-using" the law to make life impossible for the other parent. It happens,
and so many tragedies have graced the pages of local and national newspapers. Parents should be careful to listen to what
their lawyers are saying, and they have to decide if the goal justifies the means...
Family Headquarters hopes
to provide a space for reflection and some resources for those interested. Feel free to send us your comments and
stories.
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